DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Difficult People - How To Deal With Them
By Alan Fairweather
BASIC STRATEGIES:
1. Don't get Hooked !!!
When people behave towards you in a manner that makes you feel angry, frustrated or annoyed - this is known as a Hook.
We can even become "Hooked" by the way people look, how they talk, how they smell and even by their general demeanour. If we take the bait then we are allowing the other person to control our behaviour. This can then result in an
unproductive response. We have a choice whether we decided to get hooked or stay unhooked.

2. Don't let them get to you.
We often allow the other persons attitude to irritate or annoy us. This becomes obvious to the other person through our tone of voice and our body language. This only fuels a difficult situation.

When dealing with difficult people, stay out of it emotionally and concentrate on listening non-defensively and actively. People may make disparaging and emotional remarks - don't rise to the bait!

3. Listen - listen - listen
Look and sound like you're listening. - When face-to-face you need to look interested, nod your head and keep good eye contact. Over the 'phone - you need to make the occasional "Uh Hu - I See"
If the other person senses that you care and that you're interested in their problem, then they're likely to become more reasonable.

4. Get all the facts - write them down.
Repeat back (paraphrase) the problem to ensure your understanding and to let the other person know that you are listening.

5. Use names
A persons name is one of the warmest sounds they hear. It says that you have recognised them as an individual. It is important not to overdo it as it may come across as patronising to the other person. Make sure they know your name and that you'll take ownership for the problem.

6. DON'T blame someone or something else.

7. Watch out for people's egos

" Don't interrupt
" Don't argue
" Don't jump in with solutions
" Allow them to let off steam
" Don't say, "Calm down".

8. See it from the other person's point of view
Too often we think the "difficult" person is making too much fuss. We think - "What's the big deal; I'll fix it right away". It is a big deal for the other person and they want you to appreciate it. You don't necessarily need to agree with the person however you accept the fact that it's a problem for them.

9. Be very aware of your body language and tone of voice
We often exacerbate a situation without realising it. Our tone of voice and our body language can often contradict what we're saying. We may be saying sorry however our toneand our body language may be communicating our frustration
and annoyance. People listen with their eyes and will set greater credence on how you say something rather than what you say. It's also important to use a warm tone of voice when dealing with a difficult situation.